15 Ways To Avoid Being A Narcissistic Mother Today
The word “Narcissistic” is quite a common term that we use or listen to a lot of time. What does it mean? One of the common topics that people discuss about narcissism is a narcissistic mother. Generally, we assume mothers to be an affectionate, loving and caring figure. But there are some exceptions too. The narcissistic moms are the ones who are more self-absorbed, demanding and selfish in nature. The cause of being a narcissistic is a combination of both environmental factors and genetic factors. A typical narcissistic mom’s trait is to completely disregard their children’s feelings.
They try to manipulate their children to believe that the sole purpose of their life is to make their parents happy and satisfied. Other traits of being a narcissistic mom are to control their ward’s life and invade their privacy too. This possessive behavior can also have an impact on their daughter’s or son’s relationships. They will constantly undermine their relationships as they are threatened by the growing independence of their sons and daughters.
Having unreasonable and unrealistic expectations from the children and forcing them to accomplish it all the time is another trait of a narcissistic mother. Here, the moms with narcissistic disorder, generally, have a very high and inflated sense of self-esteem and self-importance. This can have the worst and the most negative impact on the children. It can be a traumatizing experience for them which can ruin their future too.
Being a narcissistic mother can have a very bad impact on your children. Being a narcissistic, you can create a toxic environment for your children where they can feel suffocated and criticized all the time. They can even start hating you and keep on hating you forever. Also, growing up in such a toxic environment can make them a narcissistic too. If you are afraid that you might turn into one because of some reason, here are some of the best proven and effective ways avoid being a mother with narcissistic traits:
1. Express your gratitude
One of the traits of being a narcissist is that they never show thankfulness or gratitude towards anything. So, to avoid being a narcissistic, you should practice expressing gratitude every day. For this, you can maintain a diary or a journal where you will write down at least three things every night before going to bed that you are grateful for. If it doesn’t come naturally to you in the first few days, you have to still try to write at least one or two. After few days, it will become a habit for you. This will increase your way of appreciating others and different things in this world.
2. Stop belittling your children
A mother with narcissistic traits will feel the superior or better about themselves only by disparaging or degrading their children. So, you need to stop belittling your children at any cost. Of course, you will scold them or correct them when they are wrong. But there is always a way to it. You have to make sure that your children understand that you love him/her and you are just correcting them for their own good. Even when you scold, don’t degrade them using terms like useless or hopeless. Try to just correct what is wrong. That’s it! Always show them the positive side of being good so that it can motivate them to be one.
3. Encourage and appreciate your kids
Another important thing that you have to ensure to avoid being a narcissistic mother is to appreciate and encourage your kid. A simple good job or well-done can make your kids feel loved and appreciated. This can also encourage them to do better. When you see any progress in your child’s growth or performance, be it something very small or large, appreciate each and every moment. Tell them they are doing well and to keep it up. These small words can encourage them and be better. Also, it will make you a better mom and not a criticizing narcissist.
4. Give your kids some space
Know and understand that everyone needs a space or privacy. Your kids are no exception and after attaining a certain age, they too will need some space of their own. Trying to invade in their personal space is invasion of their privacy. To avoid this, you will definitely set some parameters for your daughter or son but do not force them to stay at home all the time or go through their stuffs. These parameters can be like getting back home within 8pm or no social media/phone after dinner’. But don’t invade in their personal space unless and until there is a major reason behind that.
5. Engage yourself
The best way to avoid being too carried away by the parental responsibility is to being engage in the right way. When you are focused in your own time and doing something to inculcate new talents or learn something, you will keep your mind busy. This is the best way to avoid being a mother with narcissistic traits. You can learn some piano lessons that can help you to keep your mind busy. Also, piano learning and playing can soothe your mind and senses which can help you. Enroll your name to one of the finest piano learning classes and enjoy it. Enjoy little things like this can help you in appreciating different things in life.
6. Avoid expecting too much from your children
One of the ways to avoid being a mother with narcissistic traits is to avoid expectations. As a mother, it is understandable to have some expectations from you children but never allow it to become too much. Every child has their own way of dealing with things, coping up and understanding things at their own pace. Don’t be too pushy about things. Never expect something unrealistic or unreasonably too much from your children because you want it. Let them take it at their own pace. Show your support, help them, guide them and tell them what is right and wrong. But do not make your expectations cloud their own thoughts.
7. Letting your children explore their in-born talents
One of the best ways to avoid being a narcissistic mom is to give your children the freedom to choose. It can be to choose what their hobby is or what they want to pursue in their career. If you see that your kid has a knack for music and loves it, then you can also enroll him/her to the best school for piano lessons. This will help them to pursue what they love and also they can learn something good too. This will give them the independence to learn new things and excel.
8. Understand your kid’s individuality
It is important to understand the individuality of your kid. Your children can be different from rest of the kids you know. They can have different individuality and that what makes him/her special. Not every kid is same and their mental growth can be completely different from other. You need to understand what they are i.e. their likeness, hobbies etc. It is all about finding what makes your kids happy and you need to ensure that you focus on that rather than pressurizing them to follow what you think is best for them.
9. Develop empathy and be gentle
It is important to walk in their shoes. Every kid is different from one another. They all have their own vulnerabilities. You need to make sure that you walk in their shoes to understand what they feel. One of the core elements to be the best mother is to develop empathy for your kids. Of course, you have to scold them when they are wrong and correct them when needed but be gentle. Having empathy for your child can make you a caring and affectionate mother.
10. Let the kids express what they feel
Restricting your kids from expressing their point of view is one of the signs of being a narcissistic mother. You need to let them express what they feel. Restraining them from doing so can affect their mental condition. One of the best qualities that will help you to avoid being a narcissistic parent is by listening to your children. When they are in despair or in trouble, they try to speak to their parents, especially mothers. This can help you to understand their though process too.
11. Maintain a friendly relationship
Mother-daughter or mother-son relationship doesn’t have to be very strict. One of the ways to avoid being a narcissist is to be friendly with your children. This will help your child to bond with you properly and gradually be free to speak their heart out. This is an important aspect to make sure that you are having a healthy relationship with your children. In case of any problem, they will not afraid to share with you. In fact, this will help you to know all the possible details of their life without being too invasive or breaching their personal space.
12. Music is the cure for everything
If you feel the urge to be controlling, then you need to seek the path of music. You can channelize your energy, control or your mindset into a more positive thing that can help you to achieve something. Being a narcissist has never made anyone achieved anything. So, you can choose to pursue a music class. What you like the most? If you are inclined towards a particular musical instrument, you can try out that. Try to take guitar or piano lessons. These are the two music instruments that can help you to channelize the energy and make you more focused. Also, this can help you to uplift your mood and change your mindset completely.
13. Be socially engaged
If you are completely aloof from the social gatherings, then it is time to be socially more engaged. Of course, having your time with your own set of people like friends or family will help you to have a broader perspective. You will get to listen to everyone’s personal experience and understand everyone’s perspective. This can help you to avoid being narcissist to a great extent.
14. Accept the flaws
It is highly important to understand and accept that we all are flawed in some way or the other. No one is perfect and no one can be either. It is better to accept the fact that every child, including your own is flawed. There is no harm in being flawed. But yes, you will definitely help them change their flawed behaviors that can be dangerous or have a bad effect. But don’t vilify them or disparage them. Be kind to their flaws and guide them to the right path. As a mother, it is your duty to ensure that your kids feel safe and get better lessons in life.
15. Limit your contacts to the negative people
Cut off the negative people from your life if they are affecting you! Some research has found that due to environmental factor, some people turn narcissist. If you too thing that the environment you are in or the people around you are forcing you to be one, then there is only one thing to do. Cut off the ties with them. Avoid them to avoid being a narcissistic mother. This can also help you to grow as a person too. Toxic environment can make people do horrible things. So, make sure that you don’t let that get into your head.
Growing in an environment where the mother is always invading the person space, having higher expectations and vilifying them for every failure, can take a toll on the mental condition of your kid. The most important thing that you have to do is to ensure that you are not one of those mothers. The above ways will help you to ensure that you empathize with your kids in the best possible way and have a good friendly relation with your kid. Trying out self-improvement ways like cutting of negative people, taking piano lessons and being socially engaged can help you to be a better person.
It is important to avoid being a narcissistic mother as this can have the worst effect on your kind. Instead of making your kids better at something, as you expected, it will make them worse than ever. Studies have also proved that the children with narcissistic moms have a dreadful experience and grew up with lesser IQ. The children feel rarely being loved. As they grow, this can get worse and make a huge impact on their overall behavior and personality.
Did you know that Willan Academy offers pre-intrumental music classes for young children.